Customer Service Employees Bill of Rights

I have the distinct pleasure of being a minimum wage customer service employee. I know...I do have a career that pays a little better than that, but on the nights and weekends I work at the theatre, that is my role. I sell tickets and concessions...and for that I make $7.50 per hour. Now...I am not complaining about my job, or the wages I am being paid for said job...I just needed to establish that I am qualified to speak on behalf of those nameless, faceless people who wait on you.

If you ask most people...including me, you will find that people think customer service is a lost art form. That the people waiting on you at the restaurant, the clothing store, the dry cleaner suck at taking care of their needs. They are universally unfriendly, stupid, and unqualified to do anything in life, so this is what they are left with. Some of this is true.....if you go back to the 50's, everyone gave great service. The guy pumping your gas wore a clean uniform, smilied at you, cleaned your windows, and got you out of their quickly. The waitress at the local diner knew your name, your kid's names, and that you did not like meatloaf. It goes on and on. What people might not remember is that you could hold a job like that in 1955, and while you weren't dining with the Kennedy's, you could put feed your family. Certainly not today....you'd be on welfare. In fact...in 2010, you're better of being on welfare than working at the mall.....but I digress.

My point is...while customer service is definately not what it used to be, neither are customers. People used to repsect service professionals, and society had a basic decorum that allowed everyone to be repsected. Customers are now in a hurry, pissed off, ill-mannered and ill-tempered. They look at cashiers and wait staff as below them...and feel no need to treat them with decency or repsect. I'm amazed at some of the assholes I deal with at the theatre....and this is a place that generally serves older, well educated people. Actually.....in many cases, these people are the worst.

You know....I've read about 100 different "Bill of Rights" for customers, but never one for Service Professionals. So...here's my attempt at one:

1). Servers have the right to have a clean slate. If I've never met you....please don't shit all over me because the last time you were at this theatre, the water in your Dasani bottle wasn't quite cold enough. Give me the opportunity to screw up before you treat me like I did....

2). Servers have the right to experience good manners. Please and thank you work for us too. If you can't do good manners....how about not talking. I can deal with silence much better than someone being a douche.

3). Servers deserve not to be cursed at. The best way to make sure I do absolutely nothing for you is to drop an F-bomb my way. What makes you think that's appropriate in any place in society.

4). Caveat Emptor....Let the customer beware. It is not my fault you bought the wrong sweater, salad, tie....fill in the blank. We can help you fix your mistake....but it is your mistake. I had some guy who was pissed that the movie was in the black box theatre. That's well and good...but don't yell at me after the movie after you purchased the tickets. You certainly could have not bought the tickets.

5). Don't be upset with the minimum wage folks for things they obviously don't control. Too many times I've watched some old guy shit all over a waitress because something was taken off the menu. Do you really think the 16 year old waitress at Friendly's decided to 86 the mozerella sticks? If not....don't harp on her about it.

6). Don't assume it's their fault. My favorite thing is when people come late to a movie...then start freaking out about the showtime being wrong in the paper or on our website. The cant ever produce a ad....not that they should. When I point out to them that 300 people arrived on time for the 7:30 showing....and they are standing alone in front of the box office at 8pm, they still blame me (see above, I don't place the ads). If you didn't just assume it was my fault.....then I could stop hating you.

7). Service people never control traffic, weather, or parking. Repeat after me....If I had given enough time to get where I needed to go without rushing, I would have made it on-time. Being 15 minutes early is not a crime, being 15 minutes late gets you seated in the back of the house for Act 1.

8). Servers are not miracle workers....they cannot make things appear or disappear instantaneously, and irrational deadlines cannot always be met. I know of three people in my professional life that actually are quoted 10% - 25% higher than a normal person when they need a job done as a service tax. These people are so difficult to deal with and ask for such unreasonable things that the business needs more money to put up with their crap.

9). Acts of God are just that. True story...I had a guy piss all over me because I failed to open the theatre after we got 14 inches of snow. Never mind he got to the theatre riding a snowmobile.....he got there, so I should open. Your waiter is not to blame because frost killed the orange crop in FL...so OJ is $6 per glass.

10). Know the difference! As a consumer....one of your jobs is to know when someone is trying to provide good service to you, and when someone could give a shit less. For example….if someone gives you a nice smile and greeting when they encounter you, work quickly…..and genuinely try to fix any problems you faced during your transaction, recognize that. I’m not saying you need to give them a $20 or anything, but at least treat them as if they are worth your time, and keep going back to that place. In the same light, if someone doesn’t make eye contact with you when waiting on you….or is texting or talking on the phone rather than deal with you…..stop going to that establishment. Don’t make a scene….cause trust me, if a service worker doesn’t care about doing a good job….no amount of anger will change that.

You have the right to expect good customer service. Even more…you have the right to use establishments that hire, train, and value employees that provide good customer service. I recommend to everyone that the way you let businesses know that you’re happy or unhappy with their service is with your $$$. That being said….don’t crap all over those nameless, faceless people getting your dinner and ringing up your groceries. Be reasonable in your expectations….and remember that if you lose your mind on someone….you’ll just end up being the asshole of the day when they get to the bar later with friends…..