Cell Phone Cash

Just when you thought you couldn’t come up with another reason to hate Allentown….they enact a cell phone ban while driving.

Really!?!

Now….before the high and mighty begin to instruct me in the dangers of cell phone use in the car….allow me to delve a little further into this law.

Technically, driving while talking on your phone is not a problem, no the problem is holding your handset while doing so. It’s perfectly acceptable to chat….but you must use an earpiece or a speaker system.

I’ve owned two different Bluetooth devices….both sounded like I was talking to someone on a submarine. And if I had to repeat myself one more time…..ugh! Speaker systems are worse….it’s like taking to someone at the Drive Thru….thanks for the call, would you like fries with that? No….when on the phone, I prefer to hear the caller…and for them to hear me, so holding my handset works for me.

But…..holding my handset and driving is a serious problem. Because people can’t safely perform a basic function with their hands while operating a motor vehicle. Um….so when does Allentown City Council ban eating, putting up makeup, smoking, drinking coffee, scratching your head, changing the station on the radio, or picking your nose while driving. All of those things are just as difficult as holding a phone….some much more problematic. Picking your nose in particular can be a time consuming task that takes concentration and manual dexterity. You can actually be scratching your head, eating a cheeseburger and cranking up the A/C and be perfectly fine, just don’t think about hitting the green talk button and saying, hello.

And…let’s face it….isn’t it weird and unsettling that you can talk on your phone everywhere else in the Lehigh Valley with the exception of within the City Limits of Allentown? So….I’m driving through Emmaus chatting away…..then holy shit….there’s the City of Allentown sign, gotta go! Call you back once I reach Whitehall. If this was such a problem, wouldn’t it be a state law? Or a federal law? I can’t wait for the first genius to run into a telephone pole because they were distracted looking for the City of Allentown sign so they’d know when to hang up.

So…we’ve established that they do not actually care about your safety. No….if safety was a concern at all, then they would completely ban cell phone calls. Or they would ban texting and checking email. All of those things are at least arguable. No, this is ALL about money. One hundred and fifty dollar fine for a first offense for talking on your cell…while holding your handset. And it goes up from there. You know when Mayor Ed came up with this idea, he was looking for another innovative way to generate revenue. We’ve already gouged every red cent with parking tickets…so what’s next? I got it…I got it…..let’s screw over our law abiding citizens by fining them for holding a handset up to their ear? Yeah…I know the state legislature has never been able to push a cell phone ban through (they couldn’t even get the no texting law passed), but we’ll do it here. And we’ll just keep collecting the fines until someone challenges the validity of a City Law superseding a State Law and wins. The bean counters got so excited they actually wore Hawaiian Shirts to work the day Ed signed the bill.

I know Allentown needs money. They have incredibly complex issues with their tax base, their school district, with crime, and so many other things. But…be honest. You want to squeeze more money out of the folks driving through your City. To do this….you’ll turn your police force into the cell phone monitors, instead of dealing with real issues. I have an idea…how about fining all the wonderful people driving around with music over 100 db, and the base that’s rattling the windows? I’m sure they are as much of a safety issue as I am driving with a cell phone. And they’re a nuisance!

Oh…and just to make the matter clear…I’ve had a cell phone since 1993, never had an accident.