My mother-in-law is in the hosptial...again. It's rather sad. She's only 64, but she spends about as much time at St. Luke's as she does her own apartment. She had breast cancer about 18 years ago...and since that time she's never been the same. Heart problems, knee problems, lung issues, chronic skin conditions. She deals with far more pain that any one person should.
So....you would think that I would be sad and compassionate about her plight. I am.....but.
This is where it usually goes to....I feel bad for them.....but.
I'm working on getting rid of the "but".....with very mixed results.
You see the "but" and afterwards is where you start picking out the reasons it's that person's fault they are struggling. For my mother-in-law....she doesn't take care of herself. She eats badly, and doesn't sleep well, her apartment is a horrible mess and the dirt and dust doesn't help. And...since she hates her apartment, she does everything she can to stay away from it....out in the cold until all hours of the night. And when you offer to help or your sagely wisdom, she is difficult and combative.....she doesn't see how she's causing all of these problems for herself. So....I feel bad for her, "but".
I remember the first time I saw this guy come to the theatre I worked at pulling a tank of oxygen behind him. It was attached to a tube sticking out of his neck. I felt bad for him until I saw him sit on a bench, remove the oxygen tank, and start smoking a cigarette. My compassion vanished in a matter of seconds.
It seems thast in most cases.....I feel bad for that person, "but". Think of an obese person with heart issues, or an alcoholic with liver issues...it goes on and on. It becomes so easy for your compassion to become conditional or vanish completely.
Occasionally you do get that one person who you can't find the "but". Jim Fixx is my favorite. The guru of running in the 70's....he dies of a heart attack while running. He was in great shape, didn't take drugs....but he got a raw deal. He was immune to the "but".
One of my New Year's Resolutions....probably the most imporrtant one is to try to look beyond the "but". My mother-in-law tries to be a good person and loves her family very much. She isn't always easy, but she deserves her family's compassion and love. People have all sorts of problems....I certainly do. I could put down the cheeseburgers, be a better listener, a better father, a better husband. \
So...this year...a little less judging, a little less finger pointing and a lot more empathy, a lot more compassion.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Bye Bye St. Luke's
So...it's my last day working at St. Luke's Hospital and Health Network - Allentown Campus after 3+ years.
It's been an amazing time...a very exciting time here. We've built a $75 million expansion, and are seeing double digit growth in admissions. It's been quite a ride.
So....why am I leaving? That seems to be the question I get often.....why are you leaving? It must be something bad for you to leave St. Luke's is the underlying theme.
Well....while I love a good scandal....unfortunately I don't have one here. The story is not about where I'm leaving from....it's about where I'm going to.
Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley is an organization that combats domestic violence. It offers people who are being physically or emotionally abused a safe place to go; counseling and help in depserate situations; possibilites for people to get control of their lives. I've been a volunteer at Turning Point for 3 years and I've seen amazing transformations. Domestic violence is such an insideous problem in our society....because victims often feel deep shame....for being victims. And society too often judges these people without knowing their stories.
I have so much to learn about preventing domestic violence from the many dedicated people who work there every day, but I also feel that my skills could make a real difference. So....I've taken the leap and start my new career on December 30th. I'm excited about being a part of the team that begins transforming the communities view of domestic violence and begins the journey to ending this terrible plague on society.
So...farewell to the amazingly talented doctors, nurses, and so many other professionals at St. Luke's. I've learned and grown so much from you.....and I will certainly be at your doorstep whenever I need healthcare.
It's been an amazing time...a very exciting time here. We've built a $75 million expansion, and are seeing double digit growth in admissions. It's been quite a ride.
So....why am I leaving? That seems to be the question I get often.....why are you leaving? It must be something bad for you to leave St. Luke's is the underlying theme.
Well....while I love a good scandal....unfortunately I don't have one here. The story is not about where I'm leaving from....it's about where I'm going to.
Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley is an organization that combats domestic violence. It offers people who are being physically or emotionally abused a safe place to go; counseling and help in depserate situations; possibilites for people to get control of their lives. I've been a volunteer at Turning Point for 3 years and I've seen amazing transformations. Domestic violence is such an insideous problem in our society....because victims often feel deep shame....for being victims. And society too often judges these people without knowing their stories.
I have so much to learn about preventing domestic violence from the many dedicated people who work there every day, but I also feel that my skills could make a real difference. So....I've taken the leap and start my new career on December 30th. I'm excited about being a part of the team that begins transforming the communities view of domestic violence and begins the journey to ending this terrible plague on society.
So...farewell to the amazingly talented doctors, nurses, and so many other professionals at St. Luke's. I've learned and grown so much from you.....and I will certainly be at your doorstep whenever I need healthcare.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Soothing the Savage Genius Part 1
My daughter Maggie is a genius.
I understand that just by typing those words, I risk coming across as one of those douchy parents. You know the ones....my kid is great....yours sucks. Okay, maybe your kid doesn't suck, but certainly couldn't be a great as mine. Here are 500 pictures and 32 videos illustrating why my kid is awesome.....
Well....maybe I have some healthy pride about my daughter, but that doesn't change the fact that Maggie is a genius.
Now...the term genius is used a lot in the world....so let me be clear about exactly what I mean. Maggie has been evaluated by multiple professionals...and her IQ has been placed in the 160 range. I say range because they said it could be higher, but some of her answers were completed after the alloted amount of time. Her answers were correct....but did not count. She also answered a bank of math questions correctly that she did not have the knowledge to complete. She instead found an alternate way to calculate her answers using skills she had mastered.According to her elementary school psycologist, if you put Maggie in a stadium with 50,000 other people, statistically there would be a good chance she would have the highest IQ.
Maggie is a genius.
This was not shocking to Jeni or myself.....she had demonstrated advanced vocabulary at 14 months, and was answering basic addition problems before her 2nd birthday. To this day....she can recall facts and memories from as far back as 18 months.
Maggie is a genius.
Most people think we hit the lottery....you have a gifted kid. And we did...kinda. But it's not always that easy...or clear cut. Don't get me wrong, Maggie is amazing, particularly with her communication skills. Most kids who are profoundly gifted have difficulty relating to their peers. Maggie could make friends with a rock. She truly values her friendships with her classmates...and loves people.
But.....it's not always easy. Maggie has an acute case of perfectionism. She believes that she has to always be correct. She has to be exceptional at everything. She is not allowed to fail, or have a learning curve, and make a mistake. She came home in tears in the beginning of school becuase she got one wrong on her spelling pre-test. Yes...I said pre-test. She had never seen a number of these words before, and one of them she missed the silent e. And it took two hours to talk her off the ledge. She got a 96 on one of her math tests...and was afraid she would be grounded.
I know this sounds like Jeni and I keep her in a cage and only let her out when she's perfect, but believe me, we've been working with her on this for 5 years. We've had some breakthroughs.....but it'll always be tough. I taught her how to play chess last week....but it took me months to get her to try, because she didn't want to be bad. And if I ever want to play with her again, I couldn't actually beat her. No....we'll mess around and I'll let her win until she gets good enough to be competitive and has enough confidence to win or lose on her own.
Jeni cannot help Maggie with her math homework. In 2nd grade. I thought we'd have more time....god I wanted more time. I had to walk her through a logic problem over the phone on my way to work this morning.
We cannot lie to Maggie....even one of those parent white lies. You know...some story you push through to get them to do something or not to do something. We aren't smart enough to correctly answer the barage of questions to certify our story. Conversely, she can't lie to us.....she tries. She can never, ever get away with...I forgot. Because she didn't forget....she never forgets. It's kinda like living with Jiminy Cricket sometimes.
Maggie has a temper....some of which can be blamed on her red hair (as a red head myself, I can confirm the myth that we have bad tempers), some of which is her artistic bent, but much of it on not understanding why other people don't see the world the same way. I always wondered how difficult it must be to have a different perspective than 99% of the other people in the world.
The worst thing is that it is so easy to forget that Mags is 7. You can fill in the blank with the age....becuase it's always been easy to forget Maggie was her age. We are guilty of this way too often. Why can't you remember your piano lessons? Why don't you put your dishes in the sink? Why didn't you feed the cats? Because your 7!
While we're guilty of this....it's far more painful for Mags when other people forget she's 7. She's been in two plays in her short life...and in both cases she has been cast in a large age appropriate role. I say age appropriate...but in reality people would normally cast an older kid who is short for their age. If you can use an 8 year old that passes for 5....double bonus. In both cases, the people who made the casting decisions got frustrated...Mags wasn't focusing the way they wanted. Can we help get her to focus?
No...not really. She's 5. Or later...she's 7. And an energetic, busy 5...or 7. And an energetic, busy 5....or 7, that never needed to pay attention to anything to learn it. I wish more than anything that I could get Maggie to focus, but if I can get 10 minutes of attention from her, I'm having an excellent day.
So...everybody's frustrated. Mags wants to be perfect, but doesn't have the emotional maturity to match her intellect, The director is wondering why this kid, who remembers everything, including all of the other charaters lines and blocking, can't do their part right. And us parent who want every experience to be wonderful, are sad that it's not always. In both cases things ended up going well....but not without some bumps in the road.
You know....research says that people with intellects slightly above average are more likely to be successful in their careers and make more money than people who are profoundly gifted. There is no guarentee that a profoundly gifted person will graduate high school or college, have a good fulfilling job, or be able to be happy with their lives.
All we have now is potential.....and right now a happy 7 year old. I'd be lying if I didn't feel like I've been given this amazing gift, but one that I could easily screw up. It's more than a little intimidating and scary. Do we let her skip a grade, should we send her to a special school, what are the right activities to keep her challenged?
Right now....I'm going with trying to keep her being a happy 7 year old. Until she's 8....
I understand that just by typing those words, I risk coming across as one of those douchy parents. You know the ones....my kid is great....yours sucks. Okay, maybe your kid doesn't suck, but certainly couldn't be a great as mine. Here are 500 pictures and 32 videos illustrating why my kid is awesome.....
Well....maybe I have some healthy pride about my daughter, but that doesn't change the fact that Maggie is a genius.
Now...the term genius is used a lot in the world....so let me be clear about exactly what I mean. Maggie has been evaluated by multiple professionals...and her IQ has been placed in the 160 range. I say range because they said it could be higher, but some of her answers were completed after the alloted amount of time. Her answers were correct....but did not count. She also answered a bank of math questions correctly that she did not have the knowledge to complete. She instead found an alternate way to calculate her answers using skills she had mastered.According to her elementary school psycologist, if you put Maggie in a stadium with 50,000 other people, statistically there would be a good chance she would have the highest IQ.
Maggie is a genius.
This was not shocking to Jeni or myself.....she had demonstrated advanced vocabulary at 14 months, and was answering basic addition problems before her 2nd birthday. To this day....she can recall facts and memories from as far back as 18 months.
Maggie is a genius.
Most people think we hit the lottery....you have a gifted kid. And we did...kinda. But it's not always that easy...or clear cut. Don't get me wrong, Maggie is amazing, particularly with her communication skills. Most kids who are profoundly gifted have difficulty relating to their peers. Maggie could make friends with a rock. She truly values her friendships with her classmates...and loves people.
But.....it's not always easy. Maggie has an acute case of perfectionism. She believes that she has to always be correct. She has to be exceptional at everything. She is not allowed to fail, or have a learning curve, and make a mistake. She came home in tears in the beginning of school becuase she got one wrong on her spelling pre-test. Yes...I said pre-test. She had never seen a number of these words before, and one of them she missed the silent e. And it took two hours to talk her off the ledge. She got a 96 on one of her math tests...and was afraid she would be grounded.
I know this sounds like Jeni and I keep her in a cage and only let her out when she's perfect, but believe me, we've been working with her on this for 5 years. We've had some breakthroughs.....but it'll always be tough. I taught her how to play chess last week....but it took me months to get her to try, because she didn't want to be bad. And if I ever want to play with her again, I couldn't actually beat her. No....we'll mess around and I'll let her win until she gets good enough to be competitive and has enough confidence to win or lose on her own.
Jeni cannot help Maggie with her math homework. In 2nd grade. I thought we'd have more time....god I wanted more time. I had to walk her through a logic problem over the phone on my way to work this morning.
We cannot lie to Maggie....even one of those parent white lies. You know...some story you push through to get them to do something or not to do something. We aren't smart enough to correctly answer the barage of questions to certify our story. Conversely, she can't lie to us.....she tries. She can never, ever get away with...I forgot. Because she didn't forget....she never forgets. It's kinda like living with Jiminy Cricket sometimes.
Maggie has a temper....some of which can be blamed on her red hair (as a red head myself, I can confirm the myth that we have bad tempers), some of which is her artistic bent, but much of it on not understanding why other people don't see the world the same way. I always wondered how difficult it must be to have a different perspective than 99% of the other people in the world.
The worst thing is that it is so easy to forget that Mags is 7. You can fill in the blank with the age....becuase it's always been easy to forget Maggie was her age. We are guilty of this way too often. Why can't you remember your piano lessons? Why don't you put your dishes in the sink? Why didn't you feed the cats? Because your 7!
While we're guilty of this....it's far more painful for Mags when other people forget she's 7. She's been in two plays in her short life...and in both cases she has been cast in a large age appropriate role. I say age appropriate...but in reality people would normally cast an older kid who is short for their age. If you can use an 8 year old that passes for 5....double bonus. In both cases, the people who made the casting decisions got frustrated...Mags wasn't focusing the way they wanted. Can we help get her to focus?
No...not really. She's 5. Or later...she's 7. And an energetic, busy 5...or 7. And an energetic, busy 5....or 7, that never needed to pay attention to anything to learn it. I wish more than anything that I could get Maggie to focus, but if I can get 10 minutes of attention from her, I'm having an excellent day.
So...everybody's frustrated. Mags wants to be perfect, but doesn't have the emotional maturity to match her intellect, The director is wondering why this kid, who remembers everything, including all of the other charaters lines and blocking, can't do their part right. And us parent who want every experience to be wonderful, are sad that it's not always. In both cases things ended up going well....but not without some bumps in the road.
You know....research says that people with intellects slightly above average are more likely to be successful in their careers and make more money than people who are profoundly gifted. There is no guarentee that a profoundly gifted person will graduate high school or college, have a good fulfilling job, or be able to be happy with their lives.
All we have now is potential.....and right now a happy 7 year old. I'd be lying if I didn't feel like I've been given this amazing gift, but one that I could easily screw up. It's more than a little intimidating and scary. Do we let her skip a grade, should we send her to a special school, what are the right activities to keep her challenged?
Right now....I'm going with trying to keep her being a happy 7 year old. Until she's 8....
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Bad Condiments
Last week after a horrid Thanksgiving Day meal at Krista's, I felt I needed a lunch to cheer me up. After careful consideration, I decided to break down and head to one of my favorite spots, Grumpy's.
If you haven't had the pleasure....Grumpy's has the best authentic BBQ in the Valley by far. We're talking about pig being slow cooked in a smoker for about 14 hours. Now...I'm a bit of a BBQ afficianado, and I've had the real thing. I've been to world renowned places in Kansas City, Memphis, Atlanta, Austin....and Grumpy's is pretty close.
So...I grab the family and head over to Grumpy's Roadhouse and order my favorite meal; big bowl of steak gumbo and a pulled pork sandwich with cole slaw and fries. My gumbo comes and it's amazing....I'm told a glazed look of complete satisfaction washed over my face while I ate it. Then the pulled pork came, mmmmm. I put a combination of hot and mild BBQ sauce on it, then I grabbed the ketchup for the fries.
This is where my story takes an odd but necessary turn. Now as you can tell, I'm pretty passionate about good food. And I'm impressed when a restaurant takes the time to offer authentic, quality items at reasonable prices. So imagine my dismay when I grab the ketchup, and it's some generic restaurant supply brand. Ugh!. I dabbed a little on my finger and sadly discovered it tastes like feet. So...my fries had to be eaten naked, dealable but I missed dipping them in a quality ketchup.
You see....98% of the world including me eats Heinz ketchup. It's just better than any other ketchup.....hands down, no arguements. Hunts is the next most popular brand, and it sucks. We could discuss the same thing with virtually every other condiment...French's Mustard, Kraft Mayonnaise, etc.
Now....I'll still go to Grumpy's even after discovering this terrible faux pas.....but now I have to watch what I order. You'd be surprised how many other wonderful local establishments have the same issue. Ringer's Roost serves this nasty nosebleed ketchup with a gold label. I cannot order a burger or fries there.....it must be chicken cheesesteak and chips...items that need no additional condiments. The Starters Restaurants do Hunts......just sad. Do you know the last time I went to Starters Riverport with friends I actually brought ketchup packets from McDonalds? Do I really have to do that......
Just stop.....all of you restaurant owners repeat after me. Condiments matter to my customers. I will not try to save a few pennies by serving ass condiments, and instead buy named brand products. Keep repeating it as you take all of the crap from your table....and replace it with Heinz ketchup and the like.
Thank you....
If you haven't had the pleasure....Grumpy's has the best authentic BBQ in the Valley by far. We're talking about pig being slow cooked in a smoker for about 14 hours. Now...I'm a bit of a BBQ afficianado, and I've had the real thing. I've been to world renowned places in Kansas City, Memphis, Atlanta, Austin....and Grumpy's is pretty close.
So...I grab the family and head over to Grumpy's Roadhouse and order my favorite meal; big bowl of steak gumbo and a pulled pork sandwich with cole slaw and fries. My gumbo comes and it's amazing....I'm told a glazed look of complete satisfaction washed over my face while I ate it. Then the pulled pork came, mmmmm. I put a combination of hot and mild BBQ sauce on it, then I grabbed the ketchup for the fries.
This is where my story takes an odd but necessary turn. Now as you can tell, I'm pretty passionate about good food. And I'm impressed when a restaurant takes the time to offer authentic, quality items at reasonable prices. So imagine my dismay when I grab the ketchup, and it's some generic restaurant supply brand. Ugh!. I dabbed a little on my finger and sadly discovered it tastes like feet. So...my fries had to be eaten naked, dealable but I missed dipping them in a quality ketchup.
You see....98% of the world including me eats Heinz ketchup. It's just better than any other ketchup.....hands down, no arguements. Hunts is the next most popular brand, and it sucks. We could discuss the same thing with virtually every other condiment...French's Mustard, Kraft Mayonnaise, etc.
Now....I'll still go to Grumpy's even after discovering this terrible faux pas.....but now I have to watch what I order. You'd be surprised how many other wonderful local establishments have the same issue. Ringer's Roost serves this nasty nosebleed ketchup with a gold label. I cannot order a burger or fries there.....it must be chicken cheesesteak and chips...items that need no additional condiments. The Starters Restaurants do Hunts......just sad. Do you know the last time I went to Starters Riverport with friends I actually brought ketchup packets from McDonalds? Do I really have to do that......
Just stop.....all of you restaurant owners repeat after me. Condiments matter to my customers. I will not try to save a few pennies by serving ass condiments, and instead buy named brand products. Keep repeating it as you take all of the crap from your table....and replace it with Heinz ketchup and the like.
Thank you....
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