We Are The World?

I was a senior in high school went Bob Geldoff from The Boomtown Rats invented the Socially Conscious Pop Star. Christmas of 1984 brought us, “Do They Know It’s Christmas”…..a song featuring the top pop start of Britian singing about hunger in Ethiopia. All of the proceeds went to fight hunger in Africa.

Do They Know It’s Christmas begat Lionel Ritchie and Michael Jackson’s classic….We Are The World. This was the American pop star effort to seem socially conscious. From there…..we saw Live Aid, Farm Aid…..and pretty much any Aid concert imaginable. It took about 5 years….but the rock stars trying to save the world pretty much ran its course by 1990.

The funny thing…..both songs were totally forgettable. They really suck! No, hear me out. If you took We Are The World and had Joe Blow record it as a solo piece….you’d get 13 downloads on iTunes…and that would be his family. The only interesting thing about it was identifying all of the stars singing their solo line. That and when they decided to show contrast by having Bruce Springsteen sing with Stevie Wonder. I get it…they sound different but compliment each other. How creative and edgy. MTV played the video about 4 billion times….back when MTV actually played music.

Fast forward 25 years later…..and Haiti has a terrible earthquake. A tragedy to say the least…..just like Hurricane Katrina and the Tsunami, a natural disaster that killed thousands….and displaced many thousands more. I need to say at this point…any efforts to raise money for the people of Haiti is a noble effort. But really…..this is the best they could do? Bringing a bad retread song out of mothballs with a new array of stars? Not one of the 81 people involved in the recording could put pen to paper and write something new and relevant…..and dare I say good?

I’ve watched the new video on You Tube about 10 times and yes…it still sucks. Beyond that…..there are some extreme Hall of Shame moments. Like bringing back Michael Jackson’s solos. He’s the only one from the original version to be added back into the mix…and word has it that was the only way his Mom would release the rights to the song.And just to make it a little more creepy, let's add Janet in to sing a solo with Michael. Did anyone think maybe that was a sign to cut and run?

Coming in close second….Jamie Foxx’s Ray Charles imitation. Either insert Ray’s solo back in….or just sing Jamie. That was totally weak sauce.

With so many really talented vocalists there….you gave a prime solo to Miley Cirus. Wow…..that was a choice. And did anyone think you could have gotten Miley off the stripper pole she rode at the Teen Choice Awards to show up for a benefit.

Put the auto tune machine away! Either you can sing…...or you can’t Better yet….smash it and throw it into the harbor.

After listening to Celine Dion…..was anyone else jonesing Cyndi Lauper? I’ll take Girls Just Want To Have Fun over My Heart Will Go On every time.

Wyclef Jean…..you suck…hard. Really hard! What was that wailing noise you kept making…and could you stop, please?! Honestly, if Wyclef wasn’t Haitian….he would have been parking cars at the recording studio.

Tony Bennett was about 10 years too late……stick with playing the Q-tip circuit.

Here is my sad, sad admission. I HATE rap music. Maybe the occasional Will Smith or Run DMC…..but I haven’t liked anything remotely Rap related since Young MC Busted a Move. The rap addition was by far the best part of the song. It was original, heartfelt and interesting. And if I’m praising LL Cool J, will I am, and Snoop….that tells you all you need to know.

So…..join me in making a donation to the Red Cross…..$100 to erase the digital master and make this abomination go away. And another $50 if you can take it off of Wikipedia. It never existed…..nice.

I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that in 1985…I would secretly try to imitate all of the solo lines when I would watch the video. One time at the beach after a few too many Bushc beers……which could have been pretty much any night that summer, I broke out my rendition of We Are The World…..live. Not sure who saw it…..but I thank god everyday that flip cams and camera phones were yet to be invented. There’s a choice we’re making….and that choice should have been to put down the six pack.